Finding Faith

Pamela Galloway
EVWP Summer 2009


Chapter 1

She held the cool, dark sphere in her sweaty palms. The smooth surface comforted her wavering resolution. She needed someone or something, ridiculous as it seemed, to reassure her. Her eyes shut tight, she quietly breathed the words she had been holding on her tongue all morning.


“Should I go?”
“Concentrate and ask again.” She read the words. A few strands of strawberry hair fell across her hazel eyes hiding her disappointment. The eight ball had failed her.

She let her mind wander to where “go” was. Was she really asking permission to drive to Philadelphia? No, she knew that she wasn’t asking permission to visit him. Hours before she had already started packing her bag. Samantha was looking for permission to attempt the complicated venture of love again.

She shifted the weight of chance back and forth between her slender fingertips. Should she ask again? A slight smile escaped her lips as she noticed the bold number eight shake its head no. Samantha ignored its remark and flipped it over again. Before the answer appeared, she blurted out, “Should I take the gamble on Ollie?”

Slowly the black circular abyss lightened. The light triangle of blue sat on its edge, undecided. She shook it loose from its hesitation and watched it sluggishly float to a resolution.

“Reply Hazy, Try Asking Again Later.”

“This is stupid,” she stated, not sure whether she meant asking the magic eight ball or hoping for love.
After a moment, she decided that she meant the eight ball. At the age of twenty-seven, she had traveled the possibilities of all the destinations that her decisions had and could have taken her. Accepting the scholarship to attend Chapel Hill, landing the job in Richmond, refusing to move home. Often, she was looking for someone else’s approval. Even today, she was nervous about taking ownership of this step. Deep down, she had to admit that if the eight ball had said yes, she would have gone without hesitation. She would already be stuck and annoyed in the steaming lanes of D.C.’s summer traffic. It was easy to trust in the judgment of someone (or even something) else, since hers, so far, had failed her miserably.


Chapter 2

GollieOllie: (11:27 am) What are you doing online? ☹
Sam_i_am: (11:28 am) Nothing. I should have said something. Ugh. I’ll tell him how I’m scared. No. That’s stupid. I’ll tell him I’m amped. No. Do you want to look like a desperate silly girl? Okay. Well, I have to say something!
Sam_i_am: (11:30 am) Actually, I am printing directions.
Sam_i_am: (11:40 am) I have typed and erased a million lines. And yet I can’t bear to let go of my innermost thoughts.
GollieOllie: (11:41 am) LOL. Me too.
Sam_i_am: (11:42 am) What were you going to type?
GollieOllie: (11:43 am) I really want you to visit…
GollieOllie: (11:44 am) Are you coming?
Sam_i_am: (11:45 am) Should I tell him how I feel? Not sure yet. I hate playing these games! Why can’t I break out of this old habit?
Sam_i_am: (11:45 am) I wasn’t sure you really meant it.
GollieOllie: (11:48 am) Meant that I really wanted you to visit? Well, I have the whole weekend planned FOR YOU! So, you better come!
GollieOllie: (11:49 am) Sam! You didn’t think that I meant to invite you? Yes. You’re supposed to be here…and by seven, so hurry!
Sam_i_am: (11:50 am) Nice. Well, I haven’t finished packing. I got distracted. Why am I playing this game!?
GollieOllie: (11:51 am) What distracted you?
Sam_i_am: (11:53 am) A magic eight ball, thoughts of this weekend’s possible disaster, worries that this could end like it did with Jim. My mother called.
Sam_i_am: (11:54 am) And… Stupid girl. Why would you type that?
GollieOllie: (11:54 am) And what? Samantha, what aren’t you telling me?
Sam_i_am: (11:56 am) Just type it. I wasn’t sure if we were ready. I wasn’t sure of how you felt.
GollieOllie: (11:58 am) Apparently, the bouquet of flowers wasn’t convincing? ☹
Sam_i_am: (12:01 pm) Hahaha. That’s why I’m half-packed! When I look at them I want to get on the road. Sorta. I mean, I want to be in Philly in your arms. Is it too soon to say that?
GollieOllie: (12:02 pm) Don’t try to sound excited now. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.
Sam_i_am: (12:04 pm) I am excited! So excited I’m getting ready to drive for 4 hours! FOUR HOURS. I better at least get a hug for this! Roundtrip, I’m spending half a day on the road.
GollieOliie: (12: 05pm) So you’re coming? Really???? I’m not sure I believe you.
Sam_i_am: (12:07 pm) Well I have to finish packing…get gas…stop by the ATM, and then I’ll be on my way. Though by that time I could hit traffic.
GollieOllie: (12:09 pm) Ugh. I hate that you have to drive. I know I said hurry, but don’t rush. When my car gets out of the shop, I’ll drive down to visit you. And don’t stop by the ATM. You won’t pay for a thing once you get here!
Sam_i_am: (12:10 pm) Okay…okay. I’ll finish packing be on the road in a few.
GollieOllie: (12:12 pm) Be here by seven!!!!!!! LEAVE BY two at the LATEST!!! That will put you in DC around 3:30, and hopefully you’ll miss traffic. I checked the reports. No accidents yet!
Sam_i_am: (12:13 pm) Lol. You’re ridiculous. Do you always plan this much? Perhaps you can explain why I need to be there by seven?
GollieOllie: (12:14 pm) Yes, I am. Yes, I do. No, I can’t. See you tonight!

GollieOllie is offline. (12:14)
Sam_i_am is offline. (12:15)



Chapter 4

Collecting the warm sheets from the printer, I cross “find recipes online” off the sticky note.
“You think these will be alright, right Champ?” His big brown eyes were saying yes. I need his eyes to tell me yes.
“Would you like to eat something with 4.5 stars?” I scratch him between the ears to help with his positive feedback. Who am I kidding? Champ would eat anything, with or without stars.

Glancing back at the logout screen, I can’t help but let out an audible sigh. I am in trouble.

My dad always told me that there’s a tricky balance between overwhelming and romancing, but of course, I didn’t listen then. I had to learn the hard way with Becky. Samantha is nothing like Becky. Samantha is like no other girl I’ve ever met, hence my need to balance the line between doing too little and doing too much.

I was glad to log off the computer for two reasons. Reason number one, I need Samantha to want to be here, and the illusion of something mysterious and thoughtful seems the only bait Samantha takes. Based on that IM conversation, Samantha is not overly impressed by flowers. I crossed that off my list. I would need something different for this visit. I mean, flowers started her packing, but did you notice that it didn’t get her on the road? And reason number two?
The second, and more important reason that I was glad to escape is that I just couldn’t answer her last question. It is fair to say that if I keep my current plans, this weekend getaway would likely end disastrously. Too bad I didn’t have a plan B.

My fingers mechanically type her name in Facebook. Weak, I know, but desperate times call for desperate measures. This is one girl I want to stay around for a long time. Not days or months, not even years. I’d take her for a lifetime, if I could.

You might be wondering why I’m so enthralled with this girl. How long I have known her? How in the world did I convince her to come? It wasn’t easy, let me tell you. I have been working on her for years. Years, I say.

The first time Samantha strutted into my room was about seven years ago. Subtract 25 from seven, and yes, you can imagine why our introduction was so short-lived. I was fresh out of high school, and a little reckless. She was the “responsible” RA in my building, though we didn’t know it then. At that time, we only knew she was upperclass, and smokin’ hot. I’d like to say (without bias), that I was probably the funniest guy she knew (if people can say that about themselves), and I might have been. However, I was also a little ridiculous. She wrote me up for designing the water balloon fight in the girls hall, planning the party during spring reading days (I didn’t know she was actually stayed to work!), and of course, arranging the lounge furniture on the roof. That last one, was a difficult task, especially when drunk. Needless to say, we didn’t always get along, especially while I was under the “dictator’s” rule. Our interactions were dripping with sarcasm.

The next year of college was her last. With the dictator out of my hair, I was free to plan my life away. However, when I did run into Samantha, I started to admire the way she carried herself. Her confidence wasn’t cocky. Her smiles were genuine. And her laughter contagious. It didn’t matter where we were, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Sometimes she’d be picking up a plastic cup that missed the trash can or holding the door open for the bag lady who was going into the library. One time, she stopped a runner who had dropped her key. It’s those little things that get you, you know? Anyways, she was in a serious relationship, and I had other people, places, and activities to help me try to forget her.

But things have changed in the last six years. And now, Samantha is coming to visit! My eyes recheck my handy list, and I decide to cancel the reservations. A fancy dinner and then a movie seemed a little cliché now. I had forgotten I was pursuing the most creative girl I had ever met. I needed something brilliant to excite her, but what? What can we do in Philadelphia at 7 pm that would be beyond all the other first dates she’s ever had? Whispering a prayer for some divine guidance, not that God really cares, I spot my calendar. I had the perfect evening already planned. In my haste to impress Samantha with fancy décor, I had long ago dismissed this pedestrian path. However, if I could catch Kevin in the next few minutes, I could right the wrong and be set. As I hit the speed dial, I hoped that Kevin hadn’t already left, I would need his help.